It was a really good movie. HE wanted to watch it while we talked on the phone. Little things like that remind me that he still likes me. I told him about how remeber the second time I saw him like it was yesterday. How “I’m Gone” by Daren Girdner played while I passed an exit on the 60 freeway. How I was with my friend Dinorah but I couldn’t tell her what I did earlier that day. How after I dropped her off I went to drink a birthday cake milkshake at Jack in the Box. How he texted me hours later saying he fell asleep after I left him. I miss him. But once this is all over, we will eat mariscos at our favorite place in town. And we will be stronger.
I feel like I experience everything in life just 3 years after him. He told me I’m getting to that age of when people around me start getting married and having children. And damn, he’s right. My therapist said I have to let people live with the decisions THEY made. He agreed. I told him that I felt like I was going through a break up with my friend. It felt like my last but slower. He quoted Padmé, “You’re going down a path I cannot follow.” If he only knew that’s what I told people after my last break up. But this friendship break up felt almost the same. I again cannot remember good things between us. Only bad. He asked me once what was the meanest thing that my best friend has ever done to me. I couldn’t think of any. But when I thought of her… too many came to mind. I felt like we were always competing. We were always jealous of each other. Never truly proud of each other. Always judging each other. My best friend says I treat people way better than they treat me and it was a million times true with her. I cannot remember a time that I didn’t think she was trying to belittle me. She always thought she knew more than me. I cannot be in a toxic relationship like that anymore. This break up is slow and I don’t think it will ever end. It will just be less and less of a friendship as everyday goes by.
